The Times They Are A-Changin

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I can see change on the horizon. And I can’t tell if it is going to bring me rain or a beautiful day, but I see it coming. Just thinking today about Brandon and me and the future I guess. I see him on the very cusp of being a full-fledged “teenager” complete with raging hormones, acne, and excess hair. (ewwwww!) I don’t think he has hit puberty full force yet. I guess I would be kidding myself to think it has not started, but it certainly hasn’t totally manifested itself yet. He has some tell-tale acne sprinkling his nose and chin and his voice – well, his voice is sounding a tiny bit deeper, but more of a hoarse nature to it. Hard to describe – different, but not the “squeaky” change or very deep voice I would imagine would occur. Mostly I guess, it is not so much his physical appearance, but his actions that are indicative to me that change is on the horizon.

He is involved in our youth group at church, which is a great thing. He is really wanting to spend a lot of time up there, basically whenever the doors are open. They have a great time – they play music – several guitar players and singers are in the group…they play cards, and games and have lock ins and just have a great time, all within the confines of the church. In fact, he came home and told me last night that he is now “in the band” up there. And of course, there are girls. In the past, Brandon has never shown an interest and on the surface, he still isn’t. However, I am wondering if his recent influx of interest in activities at the church as to do with a few very cute young ladies I have seen at the church. In particular, a set of twin girls that are just as cute as they can be and another gal that Brandon actually danced with at Cotillion and won a dance contest with last year! So, I’m thinking he has some ulterior motives for his involvement. I could be wrong.

All I can say is “I’M NOT READY!!” I’m not ready for my little boy to turn into a man!!! I also realize of course that my not being ready has nothing to do with it, but I can at least complain on here, my blog, my outlet!

The thing that really brought this to my attention was the other night, they had an event at the church. Brandon said they were watching a movie and it started at 6:00 p.m. I was riding with a cycling group at the time (more on that in a different post) so I had my parents drop him off. I couldn't remember when I was to pick him up so when I got done with my cycling (about 7:30 p.m.) I went by the church to pick him up.

They were watching a movie (Radio) and hanging out. I told Brandon "come on" because I didn't want to have to run back up there to pick him up later. He didn't want to leave, but he came. He said they weren't done and could he stay. Without thinking, I said no - I had come there to get him and didn't fancy the fact of going BACK to pick him up later. We ended up getting home. He was asking me to go back after we got to the house. I was like "no, of course not" but then I realized, as the tears spilled down his cheeks that it would really mean a lot to him to get to go back. He said they weren't nearly finished - they were going to watch and discuss the movie (and the movie wasn't nearly done when I got there he said) and then they were going to do other things....and he was going to miss them.

I breathed a heavy sigh and really contemplated. I was taken back to my own youth when these things took on dire importance. Connecting with peers, etc. So, I gave in. I decided we would go back and I would ask the youth director exactly how long they would be. If it was a while, I would let him stay. Brandon very seldom cries. This was something that brought him to tears. I guess this is what made me realize I think the puberty has started!!! I felt for him I guess.

Took him back and talked to the youth director. Turns out they WEREN'T nearly done. Brandon was right. After the movie, they were going out to the local park and were going to play volleyvall until rather late. He offered to bring Brandon home after. I said that was fine. So, he was so happy to get to stay and enjoy being with his freinds. There are only a handful of days left until school starts back (it starts back on WEdnesday August 20 for us) so I felt inclined to let him enjoy the last few days of summer.

I guess this little incident just opened my eyes to what is happening in front of my eyes. My little boy is growing up.

And I'm so not ready.