Monday, June 23, 2008

Ramblings

I think I have too much time on my hands. We are on vacation (with my parents and sister Amy) currently in Idaho. (tomorrow we are going to Canada to sightsee!!!) I'm thinking some more pictures are in order!!

Anyway, today we just stayed here at the condos and slept in (which for me meant waking up about 8:00 a.m....I just can't sleep that late for some reason!). I did go for about a 2 mile walk so I did get some exercise. This evening, I also went for a bike ride with Brandon and my dad. it was a perfect evening..the temp is about 70 degrees and it was sunny today. Very, very pretty. not too hot and not too cold.

Mom had originally planned for us to go to a national park today that is a couple hour drive from where we are staying but we decided to just stay here and relax due to the fact we will be riding in the car an awful lot the next few days and that can get old and tiring! So now we are ready for tomorrow!

I think I have too much time on my hands because the fact of the matter is, I have problems relaxing. I always have. It seems like though I complain about being busy, I like nothing but. Anytime I have a little extra time to "do nothing", I'm bored. And it makes my mind wander idly to silly things.

Things like feeling sorry for myself. And I hate that. I am so blessed. I know I am. I have everything that I need and way more than a lot of people. And I'm not just talking about material things. I have a great family and a nice home, a good job that I love (most days), a great son, my health, etc. So why is it that sometimes I tend to focus on the one thing that I think I don't have? That one thing is basically a Man. A relationship. That significant other.

Most of the time, I am OK with it. My life is so full without a boyfriend or husband to share it with. It is OK. Normally. But sometimes (such as today) it hits me. Everyone I see has a spouse or a boyfriend. And I know it is silly and really selfish of me, but I start thinking why not me? I know there is nothing wrong with me, but I can't understand why God has allowed me to be divorced and "manless" for 10 years!!!! TEN YEARS. It isn't like I haven't "paid my dues" ya know?

I truly don't understand it. I know I just need to trust God that he has my future in his hands and he knows what is best for me. But still, I'm human and I really want that companionship. I want sommeone to share all that I have with, someone to talk to about every little thing. Someone to share all the joys and sorrows with...someone to grow old with. I see my self getting older and it scares me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

Sorry for the complaining, but I just needed to vent.

Also, do you guys ever find yourself looking at other people's blogs and thinking "wow, I wish I had their life"? Silly I know. I do that. In all fairness, I guess I also look at other's lives and am thankful that I don't have to go through the trials and tribulations that some do....so I guess it works both ways.

Also, I've missed blogging. I really have. As I've been working my way through my bloglines accounts today (if I haven't gotten to your blog yet, I'm working on it...) I have about 70 blog feeds I try to keep up with and since I haven't been visiting anyone for months and months, some have hundredsand hundreds of updates. There just isn't time to read them all I'm afraid. But, I'm trying to read at least a few of them. I've been doing it for hours today. And thoroughly enjoying it I must say.

In doing this, I realize how much I love reading my bloggy friends' blogs. I do. I feel I have gotten to know so many of you (and some I do know in real life...) and I miss you. I truly do. So, I hope some of you are still out there and I hope you'll keep reading. I don't blame you if you don't...but I'm glad for the readers I still have :) I would personally hug each and every one of you if I could.

I'm going to post this and then I'm off to try to work on another post - one with a few pictures of our trip!!!

4 comments:

Kailani said...

Hi Friend! I'm so glad that your blog is public again. There's just so much going on that if I can't subscribe to updates, then I'll keep forgetting to visit. I know, I'm lame.

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with someone you love. Isn't it something that everyone wants?

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and even though you may go through some rough times, it will eventually lead you to the perfect person.

Hang in there! {{hugs}}

Kailani
http://islandlife808.com

Me said...

I agree with Kailani. :) There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship! I think it's completely normal. I think of the time my Mum spent alone after my parents divorced and when she met my Step Dad she met her soul mate. Things do happen for a reason, we just don't always realise the reason straight away.. if that makes sense! :)

I'm so glad you're back to blogging! I've missed reading your blog!! :)

Take care,

Trace
:)

Michelle said...

I don't think you're being selfish at all! Like you even said, you're human and just want companionship - nothing wrong with that! I'll say a prayer for you.

Can't wait to see your pictures!

Rebekah said...

Im glad you've gotten back to blogging. I understand what you mean about reading others blog and thinking they have it all. But I know better. Everyone has issues and situations.

I admire you for being who you are w/o a man. When I filed for divorced I was really scared because I didn't want to be single. God blessed me with Chuck, which I didn't think I deserved- but He blessed me anyway.

I know some days must be tough. I remember those lonely feelings. But God does know best and for now He has decided to bless you with the joy of being Independent.

I read about you running here and there, going to the movies, six flags- I wish I could do that some days- so see, some of us even envy you.

Now go have a good vacation!